I see her but it's not like I could be seen... That is just being me... Oh yeah, my allowance is credited to my bank account.. Thanks.... :) I wish you could notice me...

Finally

Finally I got an off day tomorrow..... hahahahaha Yesterday midnight duty was funny.... Imagine a fog horn go by itself in the middle of the morning at 3am.... I seriously thought that some ship must have given us some signal but was weird to me cuz the radar never show any target in the near vicinity... I thought the radar must have gone wrong and check thru the window but seriously there isn't anything.... Then My chief mate thought I was playing a fool cuz I have been I'm the only crew in the ship who always play a lot.... hahahaha Sometimes that is the minus point... Even the Chief Engineer get out of his bed and check us in the bridge but was confuse... Then he started talking about the people from the 3rd world.... Damn and I got all that goosebumps off my neck..... Then duty go as per normal till the morning... Oh god, on our way back, many crew will be going.... Hope I can work with them again in my next contract.... Seriously I'm still wondering how come my salary is still not bank in.... I damn headache when thinking about singapore... The company is giving problem cuz I have to settle my house rent and bills at home... Like that how are they gonna deduct from my bank account...? Haiz... Moreover my bro is gone missing with my dad ATM and his money in the bank worth few thousands... Seriously my life is so fucked up.... I'd seen many things around me but I really don't know what to do.. If I'm gonna say, I know it will offend others so I just keep my mouth shut... I share all this to my close friend here in the ship... I feel that he can understand how I feel... Seriously if about money, blood ties can really go wrong.... Now I have to wait and hopefully I still have a home when I get back in singapore.... All this is getting on my nerve seriously...... Haiz Now I gonna enjoy some movie and have a rest... Now gonna check my bank account 1st... Is anyone out there thinking of me here...? Seriously I feel like a nobody... Only when I have money then only people will start coming..... I hate when that really happen... It feel sucks... :(

Today was kinda drag... I drag myself to do just anything... Probably motivation's down..haiz FMS FMS!! I'm damn screwed up... Seriously can I get a fucking life...? Can I see my direction..? Can I even see where am I heading to...? I plan so much and it all went crashing down... That is why I don't feel like planning... Like most of my buddy, they take things easily.... It's just me maybe.. I like to be organize and get all my things organize.... But in life things do change.... Today deck work was as per normal... Just cleaning up the ship and all.... This trip wasn't a good trip... When we go port, many crew will be signing off... So as all the one that are very close to me... Then I will be left here with no close buddy in my vessel.... I learning to letting things go.... The pain will be a bitch... But this is life.... We don't get what we want... We always get the things which wasn't meant for us... If it is not meant for us, then we will suffer so much.... All these things love around me making me go crazy.... Sometime it is wrong to love so much, cuz in return we get hurt really bad.... So what love really is...? I just wanna love someone and knowing someone is having me in their heart... I'm also scared to fall for someone... Haiz Don't know why I always get the wrong signal.... FMS FMS.. I wish I could read a girls mind so life would be easier for me.....Hah but I know it won't happen... Now I wanna talk to my friend in FB... Hope she can give me some idea...hah

Fool

Congratulation Dave cuz you just make a fool out of yourself.... hahaha Gratz Dave..!!

I know I'm not that sick... Just terribly pissed when I got cheated... I don't care what she gonna tell her friends what my character is like... Yeah I know I have my flaws knowing I'm not good at certain things but hey, at least I'm worth everything cuz I proof the changes I made in my life and some of my bad character... As for you, a liar will always be a liar.... Truth never run... Just someday maybe all your friends will know the real you.... Anyway you deserve to be with him cuz you guys really match... A dumb is match to a dumber.... So it will go 2 ways, 2 of them will cheat on each other.... hahaha Urgh...!! I really hate this character of mine... I always turns ugly when I'm really pissed by someone intentionally....Haiz Today I wasn't doing deck work in my afternoon 6 hours shift... I was called up the bridge to steer the rudder keeping the vessel from rolling.... Now my shift is over and I'm not sure who is in control of the rudder steering but the ship is rolling instead of pitching.... Now the closet doors is making noises... Oh my god, I'm really bored... Nobody seems to really make noise in facebook... I wonder where is my mummy and my nanny... Missing them ler... Seriously the one controlling the steering is worst than me... :( I hope this could still be post on my blog.... Now I'm gonna rest... Gonna eat and start duty later night.. Bye guys.... ;)

The End Of Chapter 5

Alright guys, I'll be posting new scene to my story book... I hope I won't have to post and talk about her again... Thinking back again, why should I waste so much effort to concentrate on a *****...? Work is getting pretty ok... When i say better, it's still tiring at work but not as worst.. Didn't get to spend so much on studying though... Just recently I'd been talking and chatting up with my old mate Zee from sec school... She's a nice friend... Always talk and pull me up on my feet... I really appreciate all your advices Zee.... I'm so happy to know I still have an old friend like you... Also get to chat up with Marilyn Lynn which is her colleague before... Nice lady and she is very friendly... They keep me distracted from thinking so much about Jovin... I'm so happy to know them... Adel too but she's not as talkative as Marilyn cuz I guess she's a shy type of lady.... hahahahaha Anyway I really like talking to Marilyn... She's like my nanny now... hahaha Oh maybe I forget to mention to you that she is adorable..... hehehehe She's a mix of Chinese and Indian which make her kinda breed really rare... haha Hopefully someday when I'm back in singapore, I can meet them up and hangout over a movies or few games of bowling with them.... Oh and I realize my good buddy Tommy start using tumbler... hahahaha That is another nice chap I knew in my school before... Now he is in Temasek Polytechnic.. Me still left about 2 more years before I fully graduate from my school.... I can't wait to finish this attachment and complete my preparatory course and graduate... I wanna faster earn loads of money and bring Tommy to Japan and Korea with me.... hahahaha Alright I will update when I have the time guys... Now duty 6 hours here very tiring... I hope the officer will change the duty to 4 hours day and night.... :p Marilyn!! You are my most adorable nanny..!! ;)

What does all these means...?

Monday, September 6, 2010

I is very sad, because it has been a few days since i talked to and seen hubby )': Can't find the motivation for studying, just hanging there. hais. The worst thing is he left his laptop on and that means he's online but he's not there, false alarm, made me excited for a second... Don't even know when will he be there or when he's away.. Just have to WAIT for his reply. FASTER REPLYYYYY BOYFEEEEEE, I WANNA SEE YOUUUU NOWWWW ): i don't even have the appetite to eat. i really miss you.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hubby left for labuan at 11pm ): Sorry dear, i didn't meant to raise my voice but i was really sad and mad that you actually think that my work is more important that YOU. You are the most important person in my life, you're all i ever wanted. But i'm still glad i found out in time to at least see you before you went off, if not you'll never imagine how regretful will i be and how hard will i be crying now. I miss you already and i'm so happy you miss me too.. hehehehe

Just now was webcam-ing with hubby :D imma happy girl! I miss your smell and your laughter. hehehehe.. We just finished chatting on FB because hubby was hungry so he needa find some food to eat.. hahahahah.. i just hope to see him again <3

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I've been crying almost everynight these days, i really can't hold back my tears when i'm alone. But i think i really need to let out everything my dear, i need your hug and tell me everything is gonna be alright when you're away. Hug me real tight and a peck on my forehead will do everything. I think i'll be back to normal if you really did, did that. Because all my mind was, you're gonna be away and i don't know when, i want you by my side but i don't know how. When i don't know how, i think i'm really forcing you and you know that i hate forcing you, so i gave in. All of the bad stuffs i did to you in the past, i'm very sorry from the bottom of my heart and i'll use this 6months to prove that i've really learn and you're the one i want to spend my life with. my eyes are all puffy now and i'm missing you again.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I think i'm going through a mental breakdown. I hate the pressures i'm having now, i hate the fact that dear's going away for attachment real soon, i hate to see him leave, i want him to stay right here with me but i know that's not gonna happen because i know he's future & career is really important to him and i'm not gonna be his obstacle in life, i wanna be the one who motivates him into doing the things he should to have a better future :) but i'm really really sad, i can be crying just by thinking of him leaving and be away. Dear, i'm sorry if these days you think i'm showing attitude towards you but i'm really not, i just wanna be with you and spent as much time as i could with you and tell you all the things like all these to you but somehow at times i don't even know where to begin with. I really do love you and i'm really sorry for what i have done in the past to hurt you and yes, i blame and hate myself for making you turning into working this industry but whatever it is, believe or not, i'm gonna wait for you and i'll prove you that you could eventually trust me again. Having to lose you is like cutting my own flesh, its a unbearable pain so i'm sorry, i'm never gonna cut my own flesh, i'm not and will not lose you again.

Another thing, STUPID ETP PROJECT. darn it. Its not that i don't projects its just that everything cramped up. urgh, if only my lecturer forgets about it. fml