Guilty

To be honest, I felt guilty leaving my blog for so long after I met twitter.....LOL I somehow miss my post... I think that I'm not strong enough at times... Sometime I just felt that I'm not over her yet....*sigh* I thought I was stronger but then it was the other way... Deceive but those lies? No! I never felt that way... Well the only beauty of love I felt was from her..... Serious shit.. She show me true love that was not even something I get to felt by my own family members..... I really miss her... Each time I fall in love, I think I just fall in her memories.... I guess sometimes I was trying to get a rebound r/s to get over her... After a period of time, I just know that the girl I was after was not her.. There is something different about her that no one sees.. Even her looks, seriously people would say it's ordinary but I see something in her..... Alright, I don't feel like talking about it because I was not the person she knew anyway......

Anyway school semester has been getting tougher which coming to the new term. But lucky though I met good people in my class. Jonathan Tay is someone crazy and cool... Same goes to this crazy geek which may get crazy anytime especially when he got guitar in his hand.. He is Weicheng!! Remember, he's a geek... Genius chap.....LOL Also another one supertall malay guy in my class that is Haziq..... Walk with him cause public to just turn ard our direction siol..... We have like 1 RockStar(me), 1 PornStar(Jonathan), 1 SuperStar(Haziq) and 1 BadStar(Weicheng).....LOL I hope I get to do some improvement in this semester... My grades are very bad and I need to work hard... My classmate are all better than me siol.....

Alright!! It's coming to the end of the post and whoever that is blogwalking on my blog, I hope you enjoy my story and give me a hi ok? No worries, I make look fierce but I dun bite... The only person that I bite is my ex gf and that is her nose....LOL I just love to chew on her nose.... :P Bye everyone!!

I feel so FUCK UP can?? Now my Mawwyo is gone... Both of my best thing just slip out of my hand... I feel really fucked up.... I hope no one pissed me in skool.... I LOVE you so much Mawwyo... Sorry I didn't care for you the way I should but you are really something I love.... You are special.. Even your name.... :'( Guess I'll be crying the nite....

How deceiving can words be...? Don't look here if they are never interested...lol Yet you are still looking at this..... Come on, just be nice cuz if I choose to be bad, I know I'm worst than you... :)

Got the kind of face secondary skool kana bully.... Pfft.. Can see that you trying your very best..... I curse that someday, a luminous dildo will stick up ur arse with you begging for mercy...... LOL Ok, just being a bit jealous here but no worry, everything is fine..... Hah

Hehehehe

Back here writing my old diaries... Funny thing I never started on my GTA as of yet now 1215 am.... How funny...... Saturday going for job interview with spinelli... Seriously I need a job to survive and get done with my tattoos.... I really wanna look like a fcukin Rock Star by the time I graduate from RP.....LOL Alright now much to do for today... Pretty much browsing at old pix and playing with my photoshop... Take a look at this!! See if there is any improvement on my photoshop skills..? hehehe Oh ya, just get back in contact with Jovin... Get to hear her voice... It was rather different this time.... She is like having the kinda matured tone... Not like those time I remember so cute.....LOL I guess people really change and how dumb of me to think that certain thing remain... Well, this is all that remain... Check it out..... :)

Okay I'd been trying very hard to get well adjusted in my class and school teaching system... Their academic system was based on PML (Problem Base Learning). Oh well this is kinda new to me but I'm adjusting to it.... It really don't depends on how clever you are but in depends on how active you are and how cooperative you are working in a group... I'd been in groups of different ppl but the thing never change for me is that I was always in group 4.... hahahahahaha Oh well, maybe I am Number 4....LOL Not really keen on getting to know new ppl cuz all I need is just a stupid diploma.. So I don't give a fook if anyone wanna give attitude... Like I care? haha In the end of the day, the teacher facilitator will be able to see the one that who put in the effort to work... Don't save the best for yourself cuz if the facilitator question and u can't answer, then you're doomed.... Oh ya, there's no beautiful lady in my class so don't be proud..... hahahahaha Actually wanna see the MP just but it was closed till the election day... These political party all very clever hor.... Aiya, now my free time I play online game lor... Life in poly is getting tougher each day and by semester 2 or 3, I bet I shit many times a day.....haiz

Alright, school is starting just around the corner and I have been maintaining my composure... Actually I kinda stress but I'm maintaining it well... Stress about the studies that I will face and my finance and meeting new people in school... *Sigh I hope I can really cope very well in the new environment... Most probably I doubt Overtime @ Holland Village will send me back to Dempsey... Anyway I'm doing fine in the outlet there... Meet great peeps there just that haven't hangout with them yet.... I went for orientation few days ago and met all the engineering students of my batch... Some of them are really cool like As Soon the old AhBeng, not that really old ah but younger than me and Zul.. Zul is just like me, a damn prankster.. Lucky we not in the same class..... hahahahahaha I need to complete my 1st year and 2nd year still need to decide to study wat course nia... Oh ya, that day I saw my ex's cousin together with my regular customer at Holland Village... Seriously I can't really recognize her maybe because she put on weight... Last time she so pretty lor.... hahaha Oh well, I heard weird stuff about myself... I was shocked actually.. Don't say myself, even Chris my regular customer was shocked to heard those rumors about myself... Anyway I can't control the story that is being told about me but whatever it is, I'll just let it be... People have eyes to open and see who I really am.... I'm not that difficult or do I that simple.... I have my own belief of making decision but still I can't guarantee that my way is right... Different people accept different approach... But whatever I'm doing, I have a long term thoughts in my head.... I always have a good plan but I always wouldn't want her to know what my plan is cuz I wanna surprise her... I thought I could have a wonderful wedding with her... I was actually planning to propose you not with an expensive ring actually but with a BMW car... Why BMW cuz it said BeMyWife... Isn't that romantic? ah fuck.... Looks like this won't ever happen since I quit my sea life.... Now I just wanna enjoy my life being single...... But I know I still miss her love..

Wah.... So long never update ler since I lost my Iphune... Now just got myself a new Samsung Galaxy S I9000.... Still need to get used to the function... Ok right now I'm a bartender in Holland Village Overtime instead of Dempsey... They wanna get the outlet there organize before they send me back there.... But the peeps in Holland are quite nice and friendly... Or maybe I am a well adjusted person....LOL I still miss you a lot... Though I know I never had a place in your heart, you are still right here in mine... I'm just used to getting pampered by you... I miss your kisses and your hugs when I got cold.... Most of all, I miss your presence..... Haiz Guess I shouldn't had make that sacrifice.... A sacrifice that's not worthwhile.... However I'm still happy that you are doing great in life... Keep it up and don't let the next guy bastard you again...... That korean boyband is not a gay but he is a homo......LOL

I guess this time I need to get serious with life... Friends are the only distraction now... No more relationship and I really hope I don't fall..... I wanna go poly, do well, graduate and work hard for my future... I really wanna honeymoon with my future wife in Venice... I cannot just dream and do nothing... The past has failed me but this time I won't fail myself.... I will be stronger indeed... I know I have lost nothing or regret anything.. All these get me growing stronger.. Even stronger than HULK....lol Ok the Keppel Shipyard has called me yesterday and look into my case.. I hope I get a sponsor from the company... Offshore is the real deal now.. Especially Oil & Gas.. Gonna put full focus on my study... All these while I haven't get any job but finally I have one.. Tomorrow start working in the bar in Dempsey Road.. I hope everything go smoothly.. I hope to do long term in the bar while doing my study in polytechnic... It's a blessing in disguise... Now I know why.. Maybe god don't want me to waste my money on alcohol drink... I had been a damn alcoholic since the past 4 months... I hope I can slow down drinking... I don't blame anyone though.. It's my fault to turn to alcohol in times of depression... I hope I can cope well, slow down alcohol and start picking up back in body building... I want to have a good shape.. :) I hope all my friends out there will support me too.... I won't wanna let myself down this time... Hope I get some blessing from God... :)

I have serious problem deciding my future... I get many advices from friends but in the end it came to one thing, I have to decide.... Deciding is the hardest part in life especially something that will effect our future path.....haiz I dunno what more I want in life... Dying is even better because we don't have to think so much.... I wish god could take my life away so I could rest in peace... I won't try it again this time but I just hope I get into a very bad accident and lost myself instead of surviving handicap...lol Seriously I can't make up my mind.. And to my lazy father, he had been a fucking burden to me.... I wish he could just go away and let me have my own life.... His damn mistake is to born me and to give me extra hardship because of people like him....Haiz Seriously I can't think.. I try to apply for Navy but there were no response.... Can't really think anymore.... :(

Gotta start to learn to HATE.... Cuz it's human nature... Especially to typical people, how much worth are they...? She think she are the best in everything she does... Seriously wake up and open your eyes, who is the bitch now...? Stop pretending and making yourself feel better... If your character is like a bitch and you love it that way, then just be it.. A bitch is a BITCH... You're not my bitch but someone's bitch... Still, another bitch... Such a fag man.... I hope I won't ever have another gf like her in future... No I never regret being with her cuz I learn 1 thing... What I learn is that someone like her still exist in this earth... hahahaha Ya it's a lame thing to learn that and I know... All I was tryin to be is nice but was shocked to see all those bitchy statement.. Seriously if she's fuckin tired of people like me, each time which most of the time we break up, why does she still running after me? her words are so deceiving... What she said is just to make herself feel better... Hello!! Wake up and face reality.... I know this world isn't fair but you don't have to be a stuck up bitch... A faild relationship has never been a blame to 1 party... Wake up!! I even told her the process of the 3 party thing and am I right...? hahahaha Of course I am.. What goes around comes around... She should be happy that after she slept with another man, I still forgave her and get back with her after learning the incident... How best does she expect me to me..? I'm not a perfect human cuz if I am, God would had made me be the Angel in heaven... We are unique and seriously we gotta accept that FACT... Thank you...

Certain things I saw is something I don't expect to see.... Wasn't really a good thing for me... Sometimes I just don't really understand how our relationship can work for the past 4 years and so... Sometimes It is just weird to see things we don't really understand... If she left me for who I am, why would we always end up patching up after break up..? Seriously now I get irritated hearing all these bullshit... The fact that I was left was true that there was another so called faggot acted as the hero and dump u when he got what he wanted... Face the facts that I had been telling her this... I was even more shock to see her quotes of having regrets in the relationship... Hello!! I bet it's not an easy thing for a guy to forgive their gf after she sleep with other man... Can't she see how many times I forgive her though during my hot tempered moment my words seems to flung outta nowhere... But what important most is not my words but my heart... Does she really thing that words is perfect? No it never was!! I hope she learn something after what the faggot did to her... And for u Mr Faggot!! I remember what I told myself.... I won't break my words.. I rather break your body into pieces than breaking my own words... Your time will come.. Soon enough for you Mr Faggot and I'm gonna see who can help you.... Seriously when you fuckin around with me, you got a good deal cuz you're fuckin with the best..... Well I just don't know what had gotten into myself and into my life... I'm becoming someone who I am really not anymore... Oh well, fuck it..... I just move on and carry on walking... By the way, I love the time I spend with her and listening to her giggling throughout the movie.. It is so adorable....lol

Seriously, I think it is weird.... I don't remember taking up so much time with my ex and not having her with her friends.... In fact, I really encourage her many times for her to have her own group of friends and be happy.... Now it seems like I'm the one taking up her time and not allowing her to spend much time with her friends... How weird can these be.... But my conscious is clear... I rather her have her clique of friends and be with em other than just me.... Anyway not that I was mad to express all these things but just feel kinda shock.... No worries cuz I'm not tryin to defend anything but shits really happen.... Now I get news saying that Bourbon is terminating me... Thanks to all the alcohol that sit with me in times when I really need them when I was away... I don't blame anyone on this termination but myself... I could had choose to turns to other things when I was depress but I choose liquor and hard drinks.... Oh well, shits happen..... Yeah shits really happen, not only in my life but to others as well..... And this goes to you motherfucker, I'm not done with you so don't try to act all cool... I'm a fucking tiger and I will behave like one... So don't get shock if I pound you out of nowhere... You will get utterly disappointed just to realize that I wasn't there to physically hit you... But what u get is something U gonna deserve fooker..... Yesterday I was out with Marie for movie and hell, she treat me dinner at Hong Kong cafe... I seriously wanna pay for myself and she don't wanna accept.... But sure I will treat her back cuz my thumbdrive still with her..... hahahaha I know I very clever de.... I watch the show Guilivver's Travel like 2 times liao... hahahaha But I still had fun cuz all I want is her to enjoy the movie... I can hear her voice chuckling and laughing away in the theater... So sweet... hahaha She really remind me of Jovin but many time she emphasize to me saying she is not.... Maybe I just miss that small presence with me in the movies.... Anyway, I'm ok with Jo..... I believe she has grown to be the person who she really is... She was never that happy with me in the past but I'm glad cuz we get along ok now... Only when I read her blog and I realize I need somethings written in mine.... hahaha Till then I wanna continue relaxing... I'm having a man date later with my junior.... Gonna talk and get some advice from him.... Seriously, though he is my junior, he is a my senior in age wise... hahahaha Alrite peeps, Chao....

Wow... It has been so long since I updated my blog... My life seems so lifeless now... Feel like there's no direction though I know where I wanna go.... Too many problems get in the way... I even met people who wanna bring me down to their level....*sigh* I just dunno how to drag my feet and move on.... I feel so tired to do anything.... I just get addicted to listen to Post Hardcore music though I don't know the bands....I hate seeing the changes I don't like to see but this is life.....*Sigh*