I guess this time I need to get serious with life... Friends are the only distraction now... No more relationship and I really hope I don't fall..... I wanna go poly, do well, graduate and work hard for my future... I really wanna honeymoon with my future wife in Venice... I cannot just dream and do nothing... The past has failed me but this time I won't fail myself.... I will be stronger indeed... I know I have lost nothing or regret anything.. All these get me growing stronger.. Even stronger than HULK....lol Ok the Keppel Shipyard has called me yesterday and look into my case.. I hope I get a sponsor from the company... Offshore is the real deal now.. Especially Oil & Gas.. Gonna put full focus on my study... All these while I haven't get any job but finally I have one.. Tomorrow start working in the bar in Dempsey Road.. I hope everything go smoothly.. I hope to do long term in the bar while doing my study in polytechnic... It's a blessing in disguise... Now I know why.. Maybe god don't want me to waste my money on alcohol drink... I had been a damn alcoholic since the past 4 months... I hope I can slow down drinking... I don't blame anyone though.. It's my fault to turn to alcohol in times of depression... I hope I can cope well, slow down alcohol and start picking up back in body building... I want to have a good shape.. :) I hope all my friends out there will support me too.... I won't wanna let myself down this time... Hope I get some blessing from God... :)

I have serious problem deciding my future... I get many advices from friends but in the end it came to one thing, I have to decide.... Deciding is the hardest part in life especially something that will effect our future path.....haiz I dunno what more I want in life... Dying is even better because we don't have to think so much.... I wish god could take my life away so I could rest in peace... I won't try it again this time but I just hope I get into a very bad accident and lost myself instead of surviving handicap...lol Seriously I can't make up my mind.. And to my lazy father, he had been a fucking burden to me.... I wish he could just go away and let me have my own life.... His damn mistake is to born me and to give me extra hardship because of people like him....Haiz Seriously I can't think.. I try to apply for Navy but there were no response.... Can't really think anymore.... :(

Gotta start to learn to HATE.... Cuz it's human nature... Especially to typical people, how much worth are they...? She think she are the best in everything she does... Seriously wake up and open your eyes, who is the bitch now...? Stop pretending and making yourself feel better... If your character is like a bitch and you love it that way, then just be it.. A bitch is a BITCH... You're not my bitch but someone's bitch... Still, another bitch... Such a fag man.... I hope I won't ever have another gf like her in future... No I never regret being with her cuz I learn 1 thing... What I learn is that someone like her still exist in this earth... hahahaha Ya it's a lame thing to learn that and I know... All I was tryin to be is nice but was shocked to see all those bitchy statement.. Seriously if she's fuckin tired of people like me, each time which most of the time we break up, why does she still running after me? her words are so deceiving... What she said is just to make herself feel better... Hello!! Wake up and face reality.... I know this world isn't fair but you don't have to be a stuck up bitch... A faild relationship has never been a blame to 1 party... Wake up!! I even told her the process of the 3 party thing and am I right...? hahahaha Of course I am.. What goes around comes around... She should be happy that after she slept with another man, I still forgave her and get back with her after learning the incident... How best does she expect me to me..? I'm not a perfect human cuz if I am, God would had made me be the Angel in heaven... We are unique and seriously we gotta accept that FACT... Thank you...

Certain things I saw is something I don't expect to see.... Wasn't really a good thing for me... Sometimes I just don't really understand how our relationship can work for the past 4 years and so... Sometimes It is just weird to see things we don't really understand... If she left me for who I am, why would we always end up patching up after break up..? Seriously now I get irritated hearing all these bullshit... The fact that I was left was true that there was another so called faggot acted as the hero and dump u when he got what he wanted... Face the facts that I had been telling her this... I was even more shock to see her quotes of having regrets in the relationship... Hello!! I bet it's not an easy thing for a guy to forgive their gf after she sleep with other man... Can't she see how many times I forgive her though during my hot tempered moment my words seems to flung outta nowhere... But what important most is not my words but my heart... Does she really thing that words is perfect? No it never was!! I hope she learn something after what the faggot did to her... And for u Mr Faggot!! I remember what I told myself.... I won't break my words.. I rather break your body into pieces than breaking my own words... Your time will come.. Soon enough for you Mr Faggot and I'm gonna see who can help you.... Seriously when you fuckin around with me, you got a good deal cuz you're fuckin with the best..... Well I just don't know what had gotten into myself and into my life... I'm becoming someone who I am really not anymore... Oh well, fuck it..... I just move on and carry on walking... By the way, I love the time I spend with her and listening to her giggling throughout the movie.. It is so adorable....lol

Seriously, I think it is weird.... I don't remember taking up so much time with my ex and not having her with her friends.... In fact, I really encourage her many times for her to have her own group of friends and be happy.... Now it seems like I'm the one taking up her time and not allowing her to spend much time with her friends... How weird can these be.... But my conscious is clear... I rather her have her clique of friends and be with em other than just me.... Anyway not that I was mad to express all these things but just feel kinda shock.... No worries cuz I'm not tryin to defend anything but shits really happen.... Now I get news saying that Bourbon is terminating me... Thanks to all the alcohol that sit with me in times when I really need them when I was away... I don't blame anyone on this termination but myself... I could had choose to turns to other things when I was depress but I choose liquor and hard drinks.... Oh well, shits happen..... Yeah shits really happen, not only in my life but to others as well..... And this goes to you motherfucker, I'm not done with you so don't try to act all cool... I'm a fucking tiger and I will behave like one... So don't get shock if I pound you out of nowhere... You will get utterly disappointed just to realize that I wasn't there to physically hit you... But what u get is something U gonna deserve fooker..... Yesterday I was out with Marie for movie and hell, she treat me dinner at Hong Kong cafe... I seriously wanna pay for myself and she don't wanna accept.... But sure I will treat her back cuz my thumbdrive still with her..... hahahaha I know I very clever de.... I watch the show Guilivver's Travel like 2 times liao... hahahaha But I still had fun cuz all I want is her to enjoy the movie... I can hear her voice chuckling and laughing away in the theater... So sweet... hahaha She really remind me of Jovin but many time she emphasize to me saying she is not.... Maybe I just miss that small presence with me in the movies.... Anyway, I'm ok with Jo..... I believe she has grown to be the person who she really is... She was never that happy with me in the past but I'm glad cuz we get along ok now... Only when I read her blog and I realize I need somethings written in mine.... hahaha Till then I wanna continue relaxing... I'm having a man date later with my junior.... Gonna talk and get some advice from him.... Seriously, though he is my junior, he is a my senior in age wise... hahahaha Alrite peeps, Chao....

Wow... It has been so long since I updated my blog... My life seems so lifeless now... Feel like there's no direction though I know where I wanna go.... Too many problems get in the way... I even met people who wanna bring me down to their level....*sigh* I just dunno how to drag my feet and move on.... I feel so tired to do anything.... I just get addicted to listen to Post Hardcore music though I don't know the bands....I hate seeing the changes I don't like to see but this is life.....*Sigh*