Living In Fear

2012-02-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

Alright... This is just a reminder for myself that I wanna get by 2013...

#1 - A class 3 driving License.
#2 - Complete My CE Point so I don't have to rush during Year 3!
#3 - Hopefully, complete the tattoo on my left arm.
#4 - Find someone who maybe can replace what I'd lost.
#5 - SUNGLASSES!! Yeah maybe a Ray ban or Oakley? I dunno man...
#6 - More shopping on outfit!
#7 Hopefully If I found someone right, Am gonna bring her to Universal Studio!! :)

Anyway will update if I have new things coming up. Sorry for the missing post.... Oh yeah, I had a crush on this girl.. Pretty cute... My kinda thing my I dunno how can I afford to make her mine... Hopefully we are fated... I don't wanna be someone remain in the past... I need someone to watered me down man..... :')

2012-01-08T21:43:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, check out what I wrote to the skool..

RE:
Dear Sir/Mdm,
9th January 2012
Good day to you. I, Angeline Chong, Student Council of the school write this letter on behalf of the students. It has come to our attention that sugary drinks are no longer to be sold or consumed on campus.
There has been discussion raised among the students. The banning of sugary drinks has become an issue to most of the students. Students tend to partial the lesson and reason given that they were tired and unable to focus on lesson. Some says that they are over stress and there were no other options available for them to distress. Students were also late from their breaks and left their assigned task incomplete for buying sugary drinks outside from school. The students criticize about the school towards their friends and family which in return will bring down the school reputation.
We are glad that the school is concern about the health of the students and we appreciate the thoughts and effort of the school. Nonetheless, we also hope that the school would reconsider with the banning of the sugary drinks because it benefits the student’s ability to perform well and pay attention in class indirectly. Examples of sugary drinks that help in students’ performance are Redbull, 100plus, NaughtyG. These are energy drinks that keep students awake and stay focus in class.
We seek for your kindest understanding and soonest reply from the school.

Yours Sincerely,
Angeline Chong
President of Student Council
Republic Polytechnic
Student ID: 123456
Email: 123456@myrp.edu.sg
Contact No: 99581234

Happy New Year Everyone!!

2012-01-02T03:02:00.000-08:00

Hey Happy New Year guys..... Alright I wanna be happy and not be bothered about the past in the year 2012..... I really need to move on and look at the bright side of life...... I got to have my standing this year.... Yeah I am a fucking ROCK STAR!! To those that misjudge me by thinking that I'm a typical mat rep, they can jolly well go fuck themselves cuz I can't be bothered by idiots anymore..... There is still many wonderful people in the world and why would I care about these idiots right? Just don't come and tell me that you thought I was this and that for fuck sake, I don't give a damn!! I'm the cool guy who love arts and music is my passion.. Yeah and I look fierce but I'm soft inside but that doesn't mean that I'm someone that can be pick on cuz if you think that way, hahaha well you will eventually know me better after I land my fist on your fucking face..... So typical malay, better watch out okay? This year I wanna work hard in my band, probably write my own music and stuff..... I'm also looking forward to jam in gigs this year and perform and get people to know my band better.... hehehehe 2012 also is the year I'm looking forward to meet new people.... My best friend is getting married real soon and I'm really happy for him... I can feel that people change as soon as you keep you're distance apart.....sigh Anyway I'm hoping to meet my adorable girl who will accept me for who I am..... No time to play play hor....... I also I can get the girl of my choice and not some bitch..... Anyway, Happy New Year guys and wish you guys a happy 2012!! :)

Guilty

2011-11-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I felt guilty leaving my blog for so long after I met twitter.....LOL I somehow miss my post... I think that I'm not strong enough at times... Sometime I just felt that I'm not over her yet....*sigh* I thought I was stronger but then it was the other way... Deceive but those lies? No! I never felt that way... Well the only beauty of love I felt was from her..... Serious shit.. She show me true love that was not even something I get to felt by my own family members..... I really miss her... Each time I fall in love, I think I just fall in her memories.... I guess sometimes I was trying to get a rebound r/s to get over her... After a period of time, I just know that the girl I was after was not her.. There is something different about her that no one sees.. Even her looks, seriously people would say it's ordinary but I see something in her..... Alright, I don't feel like talking about it because I was not the person she knew anyway......

Anyway school semester has been getting tougher which coming to the new term. But lucky though I met good people in my class. Jonathan Tay is someone crazy and cool... Same goes to this crazy geek which may get crazy anytime especially when he got guitar in his hand.. He is Weicheng!! Remember, he's a geek... Genius chap.....LOL Also another one supertall malay guy in my class that is Haziq..... Walk with him cause public to just turn ard our direction siol..... We have like 1 RockStar(me), 1 PornStar(Jonathan), 1 SuperStar(Haziq) and 1 BadStar(Weicheng).....LOL I hope I get to do some improvement in this semester... My grades are very bad and I need to work hard... My classmate are all better than me siol.....

Alright!! It's coming to the end of the post and whoever that is blogwalking on my blog, I hope you enjoy my story and give me a hi ok? No worries, I make look fierce but I dun bite... The only person that I bite is my ex gf and that is her nose....LOL I just love to chew on her nose.... :P Bye everyone!!

2011-06-20T10:47:00.000-07:00

I feel so FUCK UP can?? Now my Mawwyo is gone... Both of my best thing just slip out of my hand... I feel really fucked up.... I hope no one pissed me in skool.... I LOVE you so much Mawwyo... Sorry I didn't care for you the way I should but you are really something I love.... You are special.. Even your name.... :'( Guess I'll be crying the nite....

2011-06-12T03:59:00.001-07:00

How deceiving can words be...? Don't look here if they are never interested...lol Yet you are still looking at this..... Come on, just be nice cuz if I choose to be bad, I know I'm worst than you... :)

2011-06-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Got the kind of face secondary skool kana bully.... Pfft.. Can see that you trying your very best..... I curse that someday, a luminous dildo will stick up ur arse with you begging for mercy...... LOL Ok, just being a bit jealous here but no worry, everything is fine..... Hah

Hehehehe

2011-06-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

Back here writing my old diaries... Funny thing I never started on my GTA as of yet now 1215 am.... How funny...... Saturday going for job interview with spinelli... Seriously I need a job to survive and get done with my tattoos.... I really wanna look like a fcukin Rock Star by the time I graduate from RP.....LOL Alright now much to do for today... Pretty much browsing at old pix and playing with my photoshop... Take a look at this!! See if there is any improvement on my photoshop skills..? hehehe Oh ya, just get back in contact with Jovin... Get to hear her voice... It was rather different this time.... She is like having the kinda matured tone... Not like those time I remember so cute.....LOL I guess people really change and how dumb of me to think that certain thing remain... Well, this is all that remain... Check it out..... :)

2011-04-20T05:05:00.000-07:00

Okay I'd been trying very hard to get well adjusted in my class and school teaching system... Their academic system was based on PML (Problem Base Learning). Oh well this is kinda new to me but I'm adjusting to it.... It really don't depends on how clever you are but in depends on how active you are and how cooperative you are working in a group... I'd been in groups of different ppl but the thing never change for me is that I was always in group 4.... hahahahahaha Oh well, maybe I am Number 4....LOL Not really keen on getting to know new ppl cuz all I need is just a stupid diploma.. So I don't give a fook if anyone wanna give attitude... Like I care? haha In the end of the day, the teacher facilitator will be able to see the one that who put in the effort to work... Don't save the best for yourself cuz if the facilitator question and u can't answer, then you're doomed.... Oh ya, there's no beautiful lady in my class so don't be proud..... hahahahaha Actually wanna see the MP just but it was closed till the election day... These political party all very clever hor.... Aiya, now my free time I play online game lor... Life in poly is getting tougher each day and by semester 2 or 3, I bet I shit many times a day.....haiz

2011-04-15T22:57:00.000-07:00

Alright, school is starting just around the corner and I have been maintaining my composure... Actually I kinda stress but I'm maintaining it well... Stress about the studies that I will face and my finance and meeting new people in school... *Sigh I hope I can really cope very well in the new environment... Most probably I doubt Overtime @ Holland Village will send me back to Dempsey... Anyway I'm doing fine in the outlet there... Meet great peeps there just that haven't hangout with them yet.... I went for orientation few days ago and met all the engineering students of my batch... Some of them are really cool like As Soon the old AhBeng, not that really old ah but younger than me and Zul.. Zul is just like me, a damn prankster.. Lucky we not in the same class..... hahahahahaha I need to complete my 1st year and 2nd year still need to decide to study wat course nia... Oh ya, that day I saw my ex's cousin together with my regular customer at Holland Village... Seriously I can't really recognize her maybe because she put on weight... Last time she so pretty lor.... hahaha Oh well, I heard weird stuff about myself... I was shocked actually.. Don't say myself, even Chris my regular customer was shocked to heard those rumors about myself... Anyway I can't control the story that is being told about me but whatever it is, I'll just let it be... People have eyes to open and see who I really am.... I'm not that difficult or do I that simple.... I have my own belief of making decision but still I can't guarantee that my way is right... Different people accept different approach... But whatever I'm doing, I have a long term thoughts in my head.... I always have a good plan but I always wouldn't want her to know what my plan is cuz I wanna surprise her... I thought I could have a wonderful wedding with her... I was actually planning to propose you not with an expensive ring actually but with a BMW car... Why BMW cuz it said BeMyWife... Isn't that romantic? ah fuck.... Looks like this won't ever happen since I quit my sea life.... Now I just wanna enjoy my life being single...... But I know I still miss her love..

2011-04-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

Wah.... So long never update ler since I lost my Iphune... Now just got myself a new Samsung Galaxy S I9000.... Still need to get used to the function... Ok right now I'm a bartender in Holland Village Overtime instead of Dempsey... They wanna get the outlet there organize before they send me back there.... But the peeps in Holland are quite nice and friendly... Or maybe I am a well adjusted person....LOL I still miss you a lot... Though I know I never had a place in your heart, you are still right here in mine... I'm just used to getting pampered by you... I miss your kisses and your hugs when I got cold.... Most of all, I miss your presence..... Haiz Guess I shouldn't had make that sacrifice.... A sacrifice that's not worthwhile.... However I'm still happy that you are doing great in life... Keep it up and don't let the next guy bastard you again...... That korean boyband is not a gay but he is a homo......LOL

2011-01-23T04:56:00.000-08:00

I guess this time I need to get serious with life... Friends are the only distraction now... No more relationship and I really hope I don't fall..... I wanna go poly, do well, graduate and work hard for my future... I really wanna honeymoon with my future wife in Venice... I cannot just dream and do nothing... The past has failed me but this time I won't fail myself.... I will be stronger indeed... I know I have lost nothing or regret anything.. All these get me growing stronger.. Even stronger than HULK....lol Ok the Keppel Shipyard has called me yesterday and look into my case.. I hope I get a sponsor from the company... Offshore is the real deal now.. Especially Oil & Gas.. Gonna put full focus on my study... All these while I haven't get any job but finally I have one.. Tomorrow start working in the bar in Dempsey Road.. I hope everything go smoothly.. I hope to do long term in the bar while doing my study in polytechnic... It's a blessing in disguise... Now I know why.. Maybe god don't want me to waste my money on alcohol drink... I had been a damn alcoholic since the past 4 months... I hope I can slow down drinking... I don't blame anyone though.. It's my fault to turn to alcohol in times of depression... I hope I can cope well, slow down alcohol and start picking up back in body building... I want to have a good shape.. :) I hope all my friends out there will support me too.... I won't wanna let myself down this time... Hope I get some blessing from God... :)

2011-01-19T01:24:00.000-08:00

I have serious problem deciding my future... I get many advices from friends but in the end it came to one thing, I have to decide.... Deciding is the hardest part in life especially something that will effect our future path.....haiz I dunno what more I want in life... Dying is even better because we don't have to think so much.... I wish god could take my life away so I could rest in peace... I won't try it again this time but I just hope I get into a very bad accident and lost myself instead of surviving handicap...lol Seriously I can't make up my mind.. And to my lazy father, he had been a fucking burden to me.... I wish he could just go away and let me have my own life.... His damn mistake is to born me and to give me extra hardship because of people like him....Haiz Seriously I can't think.. I try to apply for Navy but there were no response.... Can't really think anymore.... :(

2011-01-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

Gotta start to learn to HATE.... Cuz it's human nature... Especially to typical people, how much worth are they...? She think she are the best in everything she does... Seriously wake up and open your eyes, who is the bitch now...? Stop pretending and making yourself feel better... If your character is like a bitch and you love it that way, then just be it.. A bitch is a BITCH... You're not my bitch but someone's bitch... Still, another bitch... Such a fag man.... I hope I won't ever have another gf like her in future... No I never regret being with her cuz I learn 1 thing... What I learn is that someone like her still exist in this earth... hahahaha Ya it's a lame thing to learn that and I know... All I was tryin to be is nice but was shocked to see all those bitchy statement.. Seriously if she's fuckin tired of people like me, each time which most of the time we break up, why does she still running after me? her words are so deceiving... What she said is just to make herself feel better... Hello!! Wake up and face reality.... I know this world isn't fair but you don't have to be a stuck up bitch... A faild relationship has never been a blame to 1 party... Wake up!! I even told her the process of the 3 party thing and am I right...? hahahaha Of course I am.. What goes around comes around... She should be happy that after she slept with another man, I still forgave her and get back with her after learning the incident... How best does she expect me to me..? I'm not a perfect human cuz if I am, God would had made me be the Angel in heaven... We are unique and seriously we gotta accept that FACT... Thank you...

2011-01-09T04:27:00.000-08:00

Certain things I saw is something I don't expect to see.... Wasn't really a good thing for me... Sometimes I just don't really understand how our relationship can work for the past 4 years and so... Sometimes It is just weird to see things we don't really understand... If she left me for who I am, why would we always end up patching up after break up..? Seriously now I get irritated hearing all these bullshit... The fact that I was left was true that there was another so called faggot acted as the hero and dump u when he got what he wanted... Face the facts that I had been telling her this... I was even more shock to see her quotes of having regrets in the relationship... Hello!! I bet it's not an easy thing for a guy to forgive their gf after she sleep with other man... Can't she see how many times I forgive her though during my hot tempered moment my words seems to flung outta nowhere... But what important most is not my words but my heart... Does she really thing that words is perfect? No it never was!! I hope she learn something after what the faggot did to her... And for u Mr Faggot!! I remember what I told myself.... I won't break my words.. I rather break your body into pieces than breaking my own words... Your time will come.. Soon enough for you Mr Faggot and I'm gonna see who can help you.... Seriously when you fuckin around with me, you got a good deal cuz you're fuckin with the best..... Well I just don't know what had gotten into myself and into my life... I'm becoming someone who I am really not anymore... Oh well, fuck it..... I just move on and carry on walking... By the way, I love the time I spend with her and listening to her giggling throughout the movie.. It is so adorable....lol

2011-01-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

Seriously, I think it is weird.... I don't remember taking up so much time with my ex and not having her with her friends.... In fact, I really encourage her many times for her to have her own group of friends and be happy.... Now it seems like I'm the one taking up her time and not allowing her to spend much time with her friends... How weird can these be.... But my conscious is clear... I rather her have her clique of friends and be with em other than just me.... Anyway not that I was mad to express all these things but just feel kinda shock.... No worries cuz I'm not tryin to defend anything but shits really happen.... Now I get news saying that Bourbon is terminating me... Thanks to all the alcohol that sit with me in times when I really need them when I was away... I don't blame anyone on this termination but myself... I could had choose to turns to other things when I was depress but I choose liquor and hard drinks.... Oh well, shits happen..... Yeah shits really happen, not only in my life but to others as well..... And this goes to you motherfucker, I'm not done with you so don't try to act all cool... I'm a fucking tiger and I will behave like one... So don't get shock if I pound you out of nowhere... You will get utterly disappointed just to realize that I wasn't there to physically hit you... But what u get is something U gonna deserve fooker..... Yesterday I was out with Marie for movie and hell, she treat me dinner at Hong Kong cafe... I seriously wanna pay for myself and she don't wanna accept.... But sure I will treat her back cuz my thumbdrive still with her..... hahahaha I know I very clever de.... I watch the show Guilivver's Travel like 2 times liao... hahahaha But I still had fun cuz all I want is her to enjoy the movie... I can hear her voice chuckling and laughing away in the theater... So sweet... hahaha She really remind me of Jovin but many time she emphasize to me saying she is not.... Maybe I just miss that small presence with me in the movies.... Anyway, I'm ok with Jo..... I believe she has grown to be the person who she really is... She was never that happy with me in the past but I'm glad cuz we get along ok now... Only when I read her blog and I realize I need somethings written in mine.... hahaha Till then I wanna continue relaxing... I'm having a man date later with my junior.... Gonna talk and get some advice from him.... Seriously, though he is my junior, he is a my senior in age wise... hahahaha Alrite peeps, Chao....

2011-01-02T20:53:00.000-08:00

Wow... It has been so long since I updated my blog... My life seems so lifeless now... Feel like there's no direction though I know where I wanna go.... Too many problems get in the way... I even met people who wanna bring me down to their level....*sigh* I just dunno how to drag my feet and move on.... I feel so tired to do anything.... I just get addicted to listen to Post Hardcore music though I don't know the bands....I hate seeing the changes I don't like to see but this is life.....*Sigh*

So weird

2010-12-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel that this life is weird... Weird things happen and we met weird people or maybe, we are the weird ones.... Anyway, I'm just looking forward to go back home and discharge my dad from hospital... What else can I expect from my siblings..? Well, I have none now... Just me and my dad.... I'm living in my own world now.... Can't be bother so much by things around..... Why do human do good things and get shit in return right...? haiz

2010-12-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy these days... Thanks to you... You always lit that silly smile on my face no matter how bad is my day.... I just wish you could give another chance to love again.... But I know it's really hard cuz of the pain you felt before.... But I shall not pressure you for something you are not ready... All I want is for you to be happy though you met the men of your choice... You will be remembered as someone who come into my life and wash away these pain... :) Oh and I'll be heading home to get my PPCDL!! (Power Pleasure Craft Driving License) Sadly I'm gonna miss the australia rock fest.... But I wish I can meet Marilyn up.... Such a lovely girl... Anyway, I'm really don't wanna give high hopes in that.... She very busy... Also wanna settle daddy's problem at home..... Now we are heading back to Labuan and prepared for Audit... Gonna have a rest now... Hope u have a good day at work Sweet<3....

Responsibility

2010-11-27T22:26:00.001-08:00

Alright, my bad..... I left my responsibility last night... I don't know but this sounds really funny on the other side... As an officer, we need to have some responsibility... But on the other hand, I am just a cadet.... What was thought in my school is that we cadet do not have any responsibility... We are only a trainee officer... But yeah, in some way I was wrong but partially also not very wrong... All I did last night is that I went shore drinking with my Bosun and AB... Only this morning I went back ship... I was supposedly on duty at midnight but I skip for duty as I was dead drunk and went to sleep in the hotel instead... Even this morning, my head really hurt badly... I was reprimand by my chief officer hours ago... 2nd mate told me that it was a mess in the morning as chief officer also not present in the bridge... The port station control was calling on us on VHF radio and no one to answer... Our ship only reply to their call at 6 when 2nd officer was on duty.... Was said that the captain did not know about the situation... But for sure, captain know that I was not present for duty cuz I was reprimanded by the chief mate in front of the captain... Captain seems calm about it but who knows what is hidden beneath..? Anyway I should just be more concern about this chief mate... Probably because he was also not in the bridge, he got so pissed off knowing I wasn't there too.... The skool send me down for attachment is for study.. That is true but what am I gonna learn in the middle of the night when the ship is not navigating at all..? Sometimes, all these people just wanna take advantage of the cadet... It was suppose to be their responsibility if anything goes wrong... Even the crew said that I wasn't at any responsibility....haiz Anyway I need to buck up... Tomorrow onwards is a different shift.... I'll be on from 6 to 12 with 2nd instead... Now gotta report for duty...

Nobody

2010-11-25T02:14:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I just wonder why am I such a mess.... All I know is I never did it on purpose to let her down... Now I feel ashame.. It is as if I lost such a wonderful friend whom always makes me happy... Just to know she feel good, it brings me joy.. Now I felt that I hurt her, I feel so wrong.... Whatever it is, I hope it don't really effect her badly... I still wanna see that beautiful sweet smile on her face... She look so sweet... That's my kinda taste... It is something you can't get sick of liking unlike beautiful... Somehow I guess she must had felt offended too when I say she is not pretty... Yeah too straightforward... How dumb can I be huh... However, she is someone special regardless how she treat me... I just don't like the feeling of falling in love so easily... :( I hope I can be a firm man.... I don't wanna be the one who like people so much and easily get tricked... I don't wanna be like Jovin... I must be better than her as I am much mature in life... Whatever it is, I still have my studies and I really need to do well to earn my credit.. Also I will need someone to discipline me at saving my money.... :( If only I could have someone who is good that I really could trust, life will be great... All I need is to study hard and save money... My best friend is marrying next year!! I wonder when will it be mine... Hmm...... I have been listening to Yellowcard ever since... Now when the songs is played, it always remind me if Marilyn.... Hahahaha Now she leave me that trace... Thanks Marilyn for being such a wonderful person to me... However I'm really sorry that if I ever hurt you... Till now I'm still not sure who are you really angry at... All I know is that I had been stalking you.. At the same time, I also believe that I'm not the only one... You must be a wonderful girl that you had so much admirer... Haiz Just what am I....? Gonna need some rest... I wanna look forward to my morning duty.... Evening....

I hope

2010-11-24T13:48:00.001-08:00

I really hope it wasn't me that make you real tired... :'( I really don't mean to... Duty was kinda doing fine for me except a ship got me a shock of my life... A ship going at 15 knots and crossing us without giving any radio call... And we are at drifting... How about that? The pissing part is when I call over the VHF radio, they were not responding.. Lucky with a quick idea I start the engine myself and move ahead and warn those idiot to keep away from the rig... I was happy that I was finally able to act like an officer... Seriously I need to change.. I need to play less and be more serious in my life.. I also need to build up my confidence level and never to take myself down to a lower level... No wonder I get nowhere to get what I want... I miss my daddy... Now I start to worry much abt him I dunno why... :( Its so useless to have siblings I can't depend on... They were all there for his money only... None of them were sincere... This really piss me off after what daddy did to treat them well and believe them... My lesson is never ever to trust my own siblings... Don't come and look for me when you guys are in difficulties** Now I just need to be and start acting like an officer... :)

2010-11-24T02:21:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't good at all... Afternoon I woke up with a bad migrane... Seriously I seldom have all these weird things goin on... It just felt weird... And suddenly many things came running thru my mind... The 1st of course is my daddy... I was so worried about him... Eventually he would had to be discharge from the hospital 18 of this month... But he was isolated weeks back for hitting a doctor.. My poor daddy, he was all stress up and none of my siblings sincerely care for him.. They are only there for his money... Fuck them... In this world, money drive people crazy and bad... But at the same time, without money we are nobody.....haiz I just don't know how I feel now.. I'm so confuse... Not knowing what is right when I'm wrong.. Every little thing seems to be a mistake... Friends are not telling me where I'd gone wrong but they will just laugh when they share the stories... Feelings are so tendered and I never wanna play with it again... In the past I don't believe in saying but I just show by my action but this time, I need to say and give action... At the same time, what can I expect? I'm just a nobody... I don't earn any income or do I have anything with me.. How will I ever know if someone likes me or not? But again, this life is just a game.... I need to be calm at my losing end and that only makes me a real man... I really don't know if you ever read this, but I'm really sorry if ever I did that offended you Marilyn... I never did that with intention... I swear that i'm just confuse... I don't know is it me or is it my imagination... My imagination really run wild sometimes... Sometimes I thought ppl are refering to me when it is not... Oh well, who am I?

2010-11-23T06:34:00.000-08:00

I really don't know is it just me or someone else... This is really sucks when sometimes, we never get the clear picture or even we get the wrong information... Is our friend is just playing with us..? Can we really trust the people around us or is the people is playing us, I really don't know...Haiz But what can I say? I'm no good in this game of love... I really can't blame someone else... Still I got to stand on this solid ground.... Yeah it feels suck to be a nobody.... Helping people so much also no use cuz we don't really get help in return.... And seriously I had been missing a lot in skool work... I seriously gotta clean this mess.... I don't wanna live like this the rest of my life.....

2010-11-22T03:54:00.000-08:00

I'm still missing you... Just that you never notice me.. You may never know how much it hurts to play with one's heart.. I know and I never wanna make it a part of my game... But I still choose to miss you cuz you look so sweet though we never met.. I still treasure your friendship... :)

I just wanna see you happy

2010-11-21T13:53:00.001-08:00

And I was heartbroken... But let all these numbness fill me in... I feel so empty inside... All I want is to see people around me happy... I help when I can... I know though I'm not a perfect guy, there is some softness in me... Just last month, before a friend of mine went back to Philippine, I gave her 400 Ringgit... She refuse to accept my offer at 1st but I said it wasn't for her, it was for her daughter and she left with no choice but to take it.....lol I also give her 100 US$ for her birthday present... Maybe all these sum of money may be small for us but it makes wonders to people from poor country... Sometime I feel so grateful that I was born and grown in singapore... Yet we singaporean still complain so much...Haiz Next week I'm helping a friend to buy her airplane tics to her country... She is indeed a very nice lady... We didn't really had much to talk when we 1st met... All I know is that she like to listen to me sing... Without fail, she always wanted me to sing when I visit the pub she work in... I was attracted to her friend at 1st but I realize her friend is just out there to cheat on guys... Anyway I feel great that all these ppl that I help treat me well... They respect me and never treat me the way I look... They always told me that I look different and say I'm a nice guy... I was flattered but I told them that I just to see people happy... As long as ppl who treat me well happy, I'm happy for them... Now I feel so great to help people... I wanna keep helping ppl in need when I can... I wanna be someone remembered by others... Yeah maybe I look like this, I can do many good things than normal human and this is beyond my nature and character... I seriously hope I get to extend my stay in the ship... I will need to start saving for australia... :)

2010-11-19T10:27:00.000-08:00

Sometime, certain things that you thought it is, isn't anything... Ok now I realize who I am now... When the time comes, then the almighty will let it happen... As for now I just wanna remain like this... For how long I will wait, I dunno.... How long will I be played, I also dunno but I know 1 thing for sure that every little thing happen for a reason... Sometimes, we just have to wonder why.... Just had a long conversation with Zee on the phone till my credit runs out...lol Sometimes it feel nice to talk to someone.... Till now that I'm still not graduate from my skool, I'm never a so happy man.... When you have loads of money, ppl really look up to you... At the same time, it brings jealousy... Now I'm just a poor boy.. Please don't play with my feelings..... :(

2010-11-17T08:51:00.000-08:00

It was a damn mistake... I wouldn't wanna think about it... Well this is life I guess... Sometimes I think it is nice to play these games... :)

2010-11-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

I'm so f**k up man... Serious shit... I can't be going on like this for too long... I gotta stop this... I hate it knowing I'm emotionally disturbed.. Always tend to do and say things with my feeling when I'm high and tipsy.... Seriously this shit need to stop but how..? I can't just gave up drinking like that....Haiz It's so f**k up... No I'm not down because someone don't have interest in me or like me.. But I'm emotionally down cuz I still haven't gotten over Jovin really well.... Or maybe I bring myself down to a lower level..? I don't know... Though I don't like to compare other people, I feel so f**k up about myself.. :( I feel like a lower cast ppl... Basically because of the way I look... I hate it... I really hate looking mean and aggressive... I just want people to know who I really am.. The friendly happy go lucky guy... Seriously ppl always think that I'm a gangster... Well I really wish to faster graduate and be a successful person.. By the time I won't care much about what others think about me.. I will be busy working onboard and will be going holiday around the world... Also seriously I need to stop sympathizing people... Yesterday I was tipsy and I end up giving my number to an indonesian girl in the pub... My friend said she was a singer there... Well, seriously I'm not interested in her... Maybe She think I like her cuz I give her the attention when she talk abt her sad stories.. But if ever ppl know ever, just remember when I say now, I don't have anything or love or have a crush on her... I was just being too nice to talk to her and entertain her... That's all.... All I want now is to do well in my studies and score and pass my Oral exam in 2 to 3 years time.. I wanna work and go around the world!! :) That is all I really wish for.. I just wanna be happy and want everyone in this world to live a happy life... :)

2010-11-12T07:50:00.000-08:00

My heart is beating and it's beating too fast.... Come to think about it, I did something brave this morning... But I hope it don't chase her away... Now I'm really afraid of the consequences... Maybe she can be someone ordinary we might meet in the street but to me, she is someone that left me clueless... She was the kinda girl I think I will get comfortable with... Sadly there is still many things which I have to know more but too bad as I don't have much time to communicate with her... Sadly, this is my life of a seamen... Friends advice me to be brave and be straight about how I feel, some say It's ok to do stupid things for the sake but I really not sure if I ever did the right thing... I just don't know the way.... Now I'm worried.. I never even login my facebook since then... I was afraid to know and to see.... Oh pls help me but I really don't know what to do... When I'm hiding things inside of me, she don't notice my existence... But at the same time, I know it is not right to some people for doing such thing... Damn, I might had embarrassed her... Now I don't know what is the right thing to do... Should I even login my facebook...? Seriously I'm really scared... Whatever it is, I hope she is ok with it.... Seriously sometimes I can be so dumb that when I do things, I don't think with my brain but I let my heart react.... Sometimes the outcome turns out bad.... That's why it's sux to be me... I hope at the next moment, I can do something right... I hope my heart is able to use my brain to think.... Gotta knock off.. Nite guys... :)

2010-11-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU!! You can be so far yet so near, though you travel nearer it feels further.... What the hell am I talking...? hahahahaha Just entertaining myself making me feeling better... :p Seriously I think I have a crush on her... The more she makes me wonder, the more terribly I want her.... But yet again, this will be another blind love which I expect to get cheated again... What to do, this is life of a seamen... I really wanna faster graduate, work, save enough money for marriage, honeymoon and house, get a degree and settle down and get a shore job... Would be better If I can work in the high department in the office of a maritime company... Swee Bo?? This is what I love about being Pieces... We can plan and dream so far that it is possible to fall into reality..... :p I really miss you MAMA even knowing you don't miss a thing.... :D Maybe she was my lucky charm.... hahaha Who knows..? See I'm talking crap again... Ok now I gotta need a rest.... I seriously need a good girl to look after this naughty boy... I really wanna save up money to take the DP course... :p I wanna earn good sum of money in the future to make those ppl who left me for others to see what they really missed.... :D

2 Months

2010-11-07T22:28:00.000-08:00

13 November the 2nd Officer will be here in Labuan.... Pwease pwease pwease!! I want 4 on and 4 off.... :( Really sick of long hours while still in Labuan... Hopefully this time when we go Labuan port I can go for some facial, a good massage if there is and get some items... Maybe I just need a light shopping.... Still got 2 months to go.... :D I miss you, I miss you, I miss you..... But we're nowhere in sight.... That is the saddest part.... I wonder what am I missing... :( I have everything plan well for my life but there's just 1 more thing I can't plan..... Well, let it flow and let it go... I wish I have my best destiny.... For you who had treated me unkind, someday you will just know you don't really exist in my life anymore.... If you can treat me like an animal without showing any remorse, I shall treat you like an animal poo in return.... hahahaha Like I said, treat me well and I treat yourself... :D Ok gotta have some afternoon nap now... Sweet dreams..

OMFG

2010-11-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

OMFG!! I'm so damn clumsy that I posted my status on someone else's wall.....lol Lucky Marilyn haven't notice it or else she would think WTH with this guy...!! hahahaha Been really boring at duty and time passes really slow.... I was seriously thinking of going back for holiday and taking a few days rest at home without having to wake up early in the morning to do watchkeeping and duty... I really need a break... Damn, still got 1 year 4 months for my attachment to end... I really hope I can do well for the oral exam so I don't have to resit... I wanna faster earn money and go Japan! Korea! Paris! Vegas! Brazil! Portugal! Rome! Thailand! UK! Dubai! Vietnam! Bali! Amsterdam! Zurich! Hong Kong! Taiwan! Damn it's like going around the world... Yeah I gonna need money to go everywhere and to save up to buy a big house... I still need to take car license... hahahaha It's so great knowing that I can afford all these someday... Yeah money can buy everything... Can buy a love too but I'm not paying those for a love... I rather ppl love me for who I am.. The poor unattractive naughty guy.... Don't ever love me for my money cuz my money is only meant for me... :p Ok now gonna take a rest.. Tomorrow still need to wake up early... Me seriously lazy to pong pong.... Nite world..

So now then it happen

2010-11-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah I guess I finally give up.... No point working on things that can't work... Why should I try and see something that couldn't be seen.... I just need to walk and wait till I fall.... Yesterday nite the gang wanna bring me out to shore for some drink but I never went with them... Probably too tired and recharge myself... Even now, I'm still kinda lazy to go shore.... Just wanna use the net and have a good rest... Yesterday was nice cuz I finally get to chat up with a school mate of mine.... Well it's kinda exciting cuz I used to have a crush in her... Yeah cuz she look really sweet when she smile... But it was just a mere crush and nothing really happen cuz I didn't take the opportunity to drop a pick up line.... hahahaha I was kinda shy plus I was attached to my ex at that time... Such a waste to think of those reason seriously when she can do the opposite behind my back....hahahaha Anyway we kinda chat for awhile before I have my good sleep... She's so nice and honest... That is her plus point... I like it when she is just being herself... I hate when girls have to change to be fitted in a group of friends to be accepted in a crowd.... Oh well, does that makes them a star...? hahaha That is seriously a lame attitude... I guess those people need to get a life.... Well, we chatted a while and she have to rest early cuz she have her skool and NAFA in the morning.... I can't be sellfish to occupy her rest just to make myself feel better... But I feel good if she will be able to have a good rest... Now I wanna Koon ah..!! Afternoon guys.. :)

2010-10-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

I see her but it's not like I could be seen... That is just being me... Oh yeah, my allowance is credited to my bank account.. Thanks.... :) I wish you could notice me...

Finally

2010-10-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

Finally I got an off day tomorrow..... hahahahaha Yesterday midnight duty was funny.... Imagine a fog horn go by itself in the middle of the morning at 3am.... I seriously thought that some ship must have given us some signal but was weird to me cuz the radar never show any target in the near vicinity... I thought the radar must have gone wrong and check thru the window but seriously there isn't anything.... Then My chief mate thought I was playing a fool cuz I have been I'm the only crew in the ship who always play a lot.... hahahaha Sometimes that is the minus point... Even the Chief Engineer get out of his bed and check us in the bridge but was confuse... Then he started talking about the people from the 3rd world.... Damn and I got all that goosebumps off my neck..... Then duty go as per normal till the morning... Oh god, on our way back, many crew will be going.... Hope I can work with them again in my next contract.... Seriously I'm still wondering how come my salary is still not bank in.... I damn headache when thinking about singapore... The company is giving problem cuz I have to settle my house rent and bills at home... Like that how are they gonna deduct from my bank account...? Haiz... Moreover my bro is gone missing with my dad ATM and his money in the bank worth few thousands... Seriously my life is so fucked up.... I'd seen many things around me but I really don't know what to do.. If I'm gonna say, I know it will offend others so I just keep my mouth shut... I share all this to my close friend here in the ship... I feel that he can understand how I feel... Seriously if about money, blood ties can really go wrong.... Now I have to wait and hopefully I still have a home when I get back in singapore.... All this is getting on my nerve seriously...... Haiz Now I gonna enjoy some movie and have a rest... Now gonna check my bank account 1st... Is anyone out there thinking of me here...? Seriously I feel like a nobody... Only when I have money then only people will start coming..... I hate when that really happen... It feel sucks... :(

2010-10-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

Today was kinda drag... I drag myself to do just anything... Probably motivation's down..haiz FMS FMS!! I'm damn screwed up... Seriously can I get a fucking life...? Can I see my direction..? Can I even see where am I heading to...? I plan so much and it all went crashing down... That is why I don't feel like planning... Like most of my buddy, they take things easily.... It's just me maybe.. I like to be organize and get all my things organize.... But in life things do change.... Today deck work was as per normal... Just cleaning up the ship and all.... This trip wasn't a good trip... When we go port, many crew will be signing off... So as all the one that are very close to me... Then I will be left here with no close buddy in my vessel.... I learning to letting things go.... The pain will be a bitch... But this is life.... We don't get what we want... We always get the things which wasn't meant for us... If it is not meant for us, then we will suffer so much.... All these things love around me making me go crazy.... Sometime it is wrong to love so much, cuz in return we get hurt really bad.... So what love really is...? I just wanna love someone and knowing someone is having me in their heart... I'm also scared to fall for someone... Haiz Don't know why I always get the wrong signal.... FMS FMS.. I wish I could read a girls mind so life would be easier for me.....Hah but I know it won't happen... Now I wanna talk to my friend in FB... Hope she can give me some idea...hah

Fool

2010-10-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Congratulation Dave cuz you just make a fool out of yourself.... hahaha Gratz Dave..!!

2010-10-28T03:28:00.001-07:00

I know I'm not that sick... Just terribly pissed when I got cheated... I don't care what she gonna tell her friends what my character is like... Yeah I know I have my flaws knowing I'm not good at certain things but hey, at least I'm worth everything cuz I proof the changes I made in my life and some of my bad character... As for you, a liar will always be a liar.... Truth never run... Just someday maybe all your friends will know the real you.... Anyway you deserve to be with him cuz you guys really match... A dumb is match to a dumber.... So it will go 2 ways, 2 of them will cheat on each other.... hahaha Urgh...!! I really hate this character of mine... I always turns ugly when I'm really pissed by someone intentionally....Haiz Today I wasn't doing deck work in my afternoon 6 hours shift... I was called up the bridge to steer the rudder keeping the vessel from rolling.... Now my shift is over and I'm not sure who is in control of the rudder steering but the ship is rolling instead of pitching.... Now the closet doors is making noises... Oh my god, I'm really bored... Nobody seems to really make noise in facebook... I wonder where is my mummy and my nanny... Missing them ler... Seriously the one controlling the steering is worst than me... :( I hope this could still be post on my blog.... Now I'm gonna rest... Gonna eat and start duty later night.. Bye guys.... ;)

The End Of Chapter 5

2010-10-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Alright guys, I'll be posting new scene to my story book... I hope I won't have to post and talk about her again... Thinking back again, why should I waste so much effort to concentrate on a *****...? Work is getting pretty ok... When i say better, it's still tiring at work but not as worst.. Didn't get to spend so much on studying though... Just recently I'd been talking and chatting up with my old mate Zee from sec school... She's a nice friend... Always talk and pull me up on my feet... I really appreciate all your advices Zee.... I'm so happy to know I still have an old friend like you... Also get to chat up with Marilyn Lynn which is her colleague before... Nice lady and she is very friendly... They keep me distracted from thinking so much about Jovin... I'm so happy to know them... Adel too but she's not as talkative as Marilyn cuz I guess she's a shy type of lady.... hahahahaha Anyway I really like talking to Marilyn... She's like my nanny now... hahaha Oh maybe I forget to mention to you that she is adorable..... hehehehe She's a mix of Chinese and Indian which make her kinda breed really rare... haha Hopefully someday when I'm back in singapore, I can meet them up and hangout over a movies or few games of bowling with them.... Oh and I realize my good buddy Tommy start using tumbler... hahahaha That is another nice chap I knew in my school before... Now he is in Temasek Polytechnic.. Me still left about 2 more years before I fully graduate from my school.... I can't wait to finish this attachment and complete my preparatory course and graduate... I wanna faster earn loads of money and bring Tommy to Japan and Korea with me.... hahahaha Alright I will update when I have the time guys... Now duty 6 hours here very tiring... I hope the officer will change the duty to 4 hours day and night.... :p Marilyn!! You are my most adorable nanny..!! ;)

What does all these means...?

2010-10-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

Monday, September 6, 2010

I is very sad, because it has been a few days since i talked to and seen hubby )': Can't find the motivation for studying, just hanging there. hais. The worst thing is he left his laptop on and that means he's online but he's not there, false alarm, made me excited for a second... Don't even know when will he be there or when he's away.. Just have to WAIT for his reply. FASTER REPLYYYYY BOYFEEEEEE, I WANNA SEE YOUUUU NOWWWW ): i don't even have the appetite to eat. i really miss you.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hubby left for labuan at 11pm ): Sorry dear, i didn't meant to raise my voice but i was really sad and mad that you actually think that my work is more important that YOU. You are the most important person in my life, you're all i ever wanted. But i'm still glad i found out in time to at least see you before you went off, if not you'll never imagine how regretful will i be and how hard will i be crying now. I miss you already and i'm so happy you miss me too.. hehehehe

Just now was webcam-ing with hubby :D imma happy girl! I miss your smell and your laughter. hehehehe.. We just finished chatting on FB because hubby was hungry so he needa find some food to eat.. hahahahah.. i just hope to see him again <3

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I've been crying almost everynight these days, i really can't hold back my tears when i'm alone. But i think i really need to let out everything my dear, i need your hug and tell me everything is gonna be alright when you're away. Hug me real tight and a peck on my forehead will do everything. I think i'll be back to normal if you really did, did that. Because all my mind was, you're gonna be away and i don't know when, i want you by my side but i don't know how. When i don't know how, i think i'm really forcing you and you know that i hate forcing you, so i gave in. All of the bad stuffs i did to you in the past, i'm very sorry from the bottom of my heart and i'll use this 6months to prove that i've really learn and you're the one i want to spend my life with. my eyes are all puffy now and i'm missing you again.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I think i'm going through a mental breakdown. I hate the pressures i'm having now, i hate the fact that dear's going away for attachment real soon, i hate to see him leave, i want him to stay right here with me but i know that's not gonna happen because i know he's future & career is really important to him and i'm not gonna be his obstacle in life, i wanna be the one who motivates him into doing the things he should to have a better future :) but i'm really really sad, i can be crying just by thinking of him leaving and be away. Dear, i'm sorry if these days you think i'm showing attitude towards you but i'm really not, i just wanna be with you and spent as much time as i could with you and tell you all the things like all these to you but somehow at times i don't even know where to begin with. I really do love you and i'm really sorry for what i have done in the past to hurt you and yes, i blame and hate myself for making you turning into working this industry but whatever it is, believe or not, i'm gonna wait for you and i'll prove you that you could eventually trust me again. Having to lose you is like cutting my own flesh, its a unbearable pain so i'm sorry, i'm never gonna cut my own flesh, i'm not and will not lose you again.

Another thing, STUPID ETP PROJECT. darn it. Its not that i don't projects its just that everything cramped up. urgh, if only my lecturer forgets about it. fml