Living In Fear

So my love life with Mishyl actually ended in 16th October 2013.... The that is the day that she went back to Philippine and admit to me that she cheated on me by having sex with a malay guy in his car. The sad part is the guy is a fucking matrep... So what, she's proud of that?? We straight away stop all communication. It's really hard to move on. I move on by turning my love towards her to hatred. Towards the end of the year in November, I met this Vietnam girl name Tuyet. She was so sweet at the time. I mean by chance it happen when I was in an emo state after my break up with Mishyl. I can't eat and sleep well. She was there and always make me feel better. I really thought we were meant to be together but, it never really last. There is a communication barrier between us. The love life ended in March 2014 on my fucking birthday. Well that was the worst birthday party ever and the most shitty birthday gift I received. It's really sad after all that I'd done. I really loved her so much. My best friend Tommy knows about it. Tommy even realize Tuyet was really stubborn and since she is, she will never learn her mistake. So by hook or by crook, I have to move on. I continue my life feeling so pathetic. I had been shit relationship all the time and hoping I learn so much but I guess I never.. My mistake is because I love so much. I recently start playing this flirting aps again. I met this chinese girl name Wendy. She is the sweetest thing ever. However my heart is still cautious about her motive. Honestly she is really nice. She looks pretty decent, cute and a lil beautiful. What attract me the most is her character. She is not judgemental type like those typical chinese girls. I tend to fall deeper and deeper in every conversation we had. It come to a point of time where I really scared to fall in love with her because I'm afraid of hurting her. But honestly I really want the best for her. 2 to 3 days later we end up meeting. We had deep conversation, I give her a hug. When I hug her, it tells me not to let her go. It really hit so hard that I really want this girl. I really want to love her and give her the love she deserve. I know I was afraid of hurting her. But thinking back, her current bf at that time is a real ASSHOLE!! Even if I would have to hurt her, it won't be as painful as what he did. I rather be the one that hurt her than him. It hit me so hard that I really have to fight for her. But then again, she think we're going way too fast. Well I have to agree to that. I can accept to go slow with it but I can't accept if her asshole boyfriend going to still be with her and hurt her more. Something have to be done. But I will just wait for her right time. I hope God open up her heart and tell her the right thing to do. I am right here princess and you deserve to be in my arm. I fall again but I hope I won't fall onto the deathbed again.... :(