Living In Fear

Today was kinda drag... I drag myself to do just anything... Probably motivation's down..haiz FMS FMS!! I'm damn screwed up... Seriously can I get a fucking life...? Can I see my direction..? Can I even see where am I heading to...? I plan so much and it all went crashing down... That is why I don't feel like planning... Like most of my buddy, they take things easily.... It's just me maybe.. I like to be organize and get all my things organize.... But in life things do change.... Today deck work was as per normal... Just cleaning up the ship and all.... This trip wasn't a good trip... When we go port, many crew will be signing off... So as all the one that are very close to me... Then I will be left here with no close buddy in my vessel.... I learning to letting things go.... The pain will be a bitch... But this is life.... We don't get what we want... We always get the things which wasn't meant for us... If it is not meant for us, then we will suffer so much.... All these things love around me making me go crazy.... Sometime it is wrong to love so much, cuz in return we get hurt really bad.... So what love really is...? I just wanna love someone and knowing someone is having me in their heart... I'm also scared to fall for someone... Haiz Don't know why I always get the wrong signal.... FMS FMS.. I wish I could read a girls mind so life would be easier for me.....Hah but I know it won't happen... Now I wanna talk to my friend in FB... Hope she can give me some idea...hah